Woah...

Well today I did something iv never done before. I told my parents that i was going to my friends house, but instead i went with a bunch of friends to the city to see a concert. It was REALLY scary, my mom called me when we were on the train there i was super scared. But they didn't find out so alls good!

Also i took a big leap with the girl i like, she has her commitment issues and is scared of attachment but with one text message i grew a lot closer to her. We'll see where it goes from here.

~TWM~

Its Been a while....

I haven't posted in a REALLY long time. I dunno why, maybe i haven't had a reason to, maybe the rough an tumble of my life made me forget about it? I dunno, it seems like almost everyone is doing really well. My "sister" has a new boyfriend who is a really chill dude, but shes doing really well. I see her smile time i see her it makes me so happy to see how well shes doing.

But for the reason that I'm really writing tonight. There is this girl who makes me just so happy. I can be just having the SHITTYEST day on the face of the planet, and i can call her and i feel like all the crap i went through that day is gone and nothing matters. Shes AMAZING, she snowboards and sail's, shes funny, beautiful, and the only downside is that she lives kinda far away. She hasn't had a perfect life but does that really matter? To me? not at all, tonight we had a discussion about our feelings and what we think will happen and what we need to think about and do right now. Then she got REALLY upset about a picture she found on Facebook of her and her EX. She went into a bunch of details that scared me so badly because this kid has no respect for anything. If he went to my school he would of had his ass beaten so many times for the things that hes done. Recently she said something that really bothered me "I don't understand why you would like me" it got me so upset but she said it as a hypothetical question and asked me not to answer it. But tonight after she found the picture she found of her and her EX and she was super upset, i told her exactly why i like her and why shes such an amazing person

"Your beautiful,funny and awesome. Just hearing your laugh can make a day that has been so shitty to one thats been amazing. When I'm around you is seems like time is going to fast, and i wish i could beg for more. Your jokes can always make me laugh when I'm in a bad mood. Your smile is perfect the way it is. Your hair is amazing all the time even tho you say its a "mess". If i could relive one night it would be the allnighter we did, it was the most fun iv had in a REALLY long time. I just want you to be happy, thru the good and the bad im never planning on leaving you"

The whole time i was writing that i was crying, because i knew how upset she was. She aways says that

"Guys aren't the same, they all just hurt me in different ways."

If i could show her one thing in the world is that i would never hurt her in anyway.

I wish that she would believe me when i tell her this...

~TWM~

Ugh...

For the past three days its been close to 100 degrees... its been BAD. iv gotten REALLY bad sunburns at work. but its been alot of fun. seeing some of my best friends.
This girl i think of her as my sister went on vacation to a swim camp. i miss her, but shes been texting me daily with updates on how shes is. i think shes having fun, a few things are bothering me about it but life will go on and ill see her soon.

~TWM~

Fear

Fear, fear is something that we wall experience. Maybe it has to do with our friends or family, or maybe ourself and doing something. Now a days i find myself afraid for my friends, losing contact with them over the summer or just losing them as a whole. With some people it seems that just a second could erase them from my life and just leave memory's, other times they seem to be the most lively person i know telling jokes and messing with me. i lost contact with her sense this winter, and we just started talking again. she told me something that really scared me, and now i think about her what i feel is 100 times a day.
Its 1 now... i should be off to bed

Bravery

Today my out look on being brave completely changed. I always thought it was having the balls to do something dangerous or crazy, i always thought myself as being brave for even trying to do park snowboarding, trying to spin or even to hit the kickers and booters.
It changed because one of my friends, i think of her as a sister to me, told her Mom something that i cant even imagine how hard it was for her. I realized Bravery isn't doing something crazy that might end up hurting yourself, its being able to do something that can change your life and holding your head up while doing it.
Some day i wish i could be as brave as she was today even if it was just for a second.

~TWM~

Parents

Yesterday there was this fair in my town, but it was expected to rain. I really didn't care. but than my dad was having a bad day because of work or something and said if it rained i would have to come home because i would hurt myself... okay i can kinda understand that. but if hes worried about me being in the rain wouldn't it just be better to go to someones house and get picked up but no, he wanted me to walk home. than it drizzled for maybe 5 minutes and he wouldn't let me go... of course i continued to bother him about it, finally he let me go. As i was getting into the car, it started to pour... i really could have cared less i could have just gone and hung out with people at someones house but i knew he might have a aneurysm or something.

This question often come up in my head. Why are parents so difficult about hanging out with friends. A while back i went to work and after we went to hang out, so i called my house and told my parents exactly what i was doing, where i was going, who i was with, and when i would be getting home. We went to my friends hockey game, than to a dinner for dinner. I got a phone call from my mom freaking out because she didn't know where i was, i had talk to her on the phone probably 4 hours before hand.

The past few days the question rolled around in my head. and the answer that always seemed to just be there was, "They gave birth to us, they want us to be safe and some day have our own kids. Often parents lose most of there social life dealing with all of our crap that we do, why do we love them? because we need to, most parents spend 18 years if not more raising us than probably helping us out of some bad situations, than paying 40 grand a year for college."

~TWM~

Love...

Today one of my best friends said she loved me. I love her back with all my heart. Later I went to go to bed, but i wasn't able to sleep. I laid there for a long time just thinking about what she said and what it really meant to me. I broke down crying, first time in a while that I'v really cried. All that was going through my head was "She loves me". I went on to think about the question "What is Love?" In my case I think that love is something amazing, it means that theres is someone out there who truly cares about you and how you are and feel.

I think everyone has had someone say I love you to them, if its there mother, father, sister or brother. But not many people have had someone say it that is there friend that truly says it from there bottom of there heart. When they do say it, you feel it, it hit's you like a ton of bricks.

I'v had a few people say I love you to me. But i can only think of two who i think really mean it. For those two people I would do anything for, for one of them i made a blog just because i couldn't keep it in how i felt and i just don't know how to express it to her through a text message or a phone call. The other... Well thats a whole other story, maybe next time. And this is to her

SilverMoon
I love you. I will do anything for you, anytime, anywhere. You are amazing, beautiful, funny you can always make me laugh, you make every day different and exciting. You may not realize how much you have changed my life, but you really have.

~TWM~